Friday, July 25, 2014

Mothers, A Tale of Three Generations.

July 2012, ah, it's been a really long time. Between then and now, I am a mother of going-to-be-two year old toddler. And being a mother is what has brought me back to blogging which I diligently used to do few years ago.

During my growing up years I learnt a lot of things about my paternal and maternal homes and the people around them. My grand dads on both sides had two wives. Both their first wives were long gone before I was even born and with them, my grand dads too. So I had both my maternal and paternal grand moms, who were the second wives. They lived with us through most of my growing up years and teenage life.

Both these women showed strong support and love to their children, but not so much to the ones who lived with me, my mom and dad. I kind of always wondered, why is that. Never got any answers to my questions back then.

Many years have since passed observing my own mother and I am now a mother myself. A few observations though, stay strongly with me even today. Few strong revelations about Mothers.

Mothers most often worry more about the children who are not in front of them or with them. Even if the ones in front of them may have worrying issues at hand. Even if the ones with them worry more about their parents than themselves.

Mothers are most often not reasonable, in their attitude or behaviors with their children. They have a long list of expectations as the children grow up and become adults. They all do. Some of them let go after a point, some of them never do.

Mothers in Indian society adore their sons more than their daughters, you'd think, and you are right. Until his wife, the daughter-in-law arrives. My father is the only son and the last child amongst the three of them. He never enjoyed any bias for being a son, which is great. But what was worse is the fact that he lost much of the love from his mother, after he got married and had children of his own. Suddenly one of the daughters became the dearest to my grand mom and she grew blind to everything else. There's not a single day which has passed by, without both my parents worrying about her.

In many Indian families including my own maternal and paternal homes, I have seen extreme bias towards one or more children. In the process the child who has received less attention than the others tends to get disconnected or detached. Thankfully, this part though hasn't come true for myself, yet.

My mother loves all of us in the same way and complains about all of us in the same way too. She may be a bit more tolerant to some of us, than the others. I can't say the same for both my grand mothers. My mother worries more about the children who live far away from her, including myself though the ones with her, near her, cater to almost everything she needs.

I wonder, I really wonder how things will go with me as a Mother and I have a son.

I have lived the first half of my life on my terms. Studied what I wanted, though my parents thought something else was better for me. Took up my first job where I wanted, though my parents were apprehensive, worried that I would be miles away from home. Chose the love of my life, though my parents were completely aghast with my decision and abhorred me for what seemed like the longest few days/months of my life.

They came around, I convinced them, they convinced me.

My father convinced me that studying in a particular college on a payment quota seat would mean that I would get recruited on-campus and stay closer home, though I strongly believed I should take up a free seat in a college far away without burdening him any further.

I convinced my teary eyed mother while boarding the train to Mumbai for my first job, that I would take care of myself in the 'underworld' city. And that she can sleep peacefully.

I convinced my parents that 'HE' shall be the one and only love of my life. 7 years on, they know what I felt when I told them. They know that I live that everyday.

I will let my son live the life on his terms. I am there to advise him when needed, protect him all along and value his opinions as he grows.

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